The Twat Files

Wanker. Git. Prick. Prat. Dick. Eejit. Plonker. Pillock. Nincompoop. Bellend. Halfwit. Dolt. Chump. Nitwit. Moron. ****wit. Simpleton. Lunatic. Dork. Numskull. Idiot.

All lovely . . . but . . . nah . . . I prefer Twat.

It's neat and it's accurate somehow. Because, yes, I am a Twat . . . sometimes. Aren't we all?

THE TWAT FILES are my stories of the times when I've been a total, utter twat.

Time and time again, I've been a massive eejit. But the more I think about it, the more I understand that the moments where I've made mistakes, misunderstood stuff and messed up are key. That's where all my learning happens and where I laugh the most.

Being a twat is universal and my twatishness is no different to yours. Except perhaps, that mine has been horrifyingly public on occasion.

My hope is that reading these stories of my twattishness might remind you of just what a massive twat you also are, that we might celebrate and revel in this most delightful of traits, together.

'Dawn French is a wonderful writer' Daily Mail

'This woman is a national treasure' Mail on Sunday

Be a fellow twat and pre-order THE TWAT FILES now.